Today was the last day of proper school, as opposed to the next three weeks when I have to go in and entertain the masses in what has been cruely titled as 'camp'. I just imagine when I tell my students about camping in Canada's wilderness they picture me sitting on a moose rectiting irregular verbs.
Being the last day there was a meeting where I was expected to give a parting speech. Everyone imagines if they were to win an Oscar or Grammy or, god forbid, a Golden Globe they would take the opportunity to tell those who deserve it what they really think. The whole world is watching and you've earned this moment to speak. I don't even have to give an example, you were reciting your prepared hate speech in your head when I mentioned 'microphone'. Note: I never wrote 'microphone', you were just that ready. I think they showed this video in minimum wage sex ed to illustrate an workgasm.
But not today, friends. Complete class. I thanked the country (true), I thanked the city (true), I thanked the staff (true), I applauded my co-teachers (very true). Then I broke the third Commandment. Or is it the eighth? Fifth? What am I, a rabbi? The point is lied and expressed sincere gratitude to my principal. Bowed low down and everything. The strange thing (as opposed to the dirty soul thing) was my principal smiled and nodded. Absolutely no humility, especially since she's been principal for less than a year of my 2.5 years at the school. But bridges are better left unburnt. I have returned to one job back home a total of five times (seriously), always there to pay the bills when I lose my rent on a hooker's coke mounded ass and you never know when the wrong people will come to your mound of coke on a hooker's ass party and you have to run back to Korea*. Full of class, I am. Because, at the end of the day she could have made my life worse. The grass is always greener, but only because most of our neighbours have no grass at all.
God, I'm wonderful.
*By 'coke' I of course mean 'coca cola'. And by 'ass' I of course mean 'donkey. And by 'hooker' I of course mean 'woman who sells her sexual services to men for money'. Duh.
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